Calendar Blues

I need a calendar that says "no."

No, you can't schedule that because you already have enough to do that day.

No, that isn't a good day because you are going to be up most of the night thanks to hormone-induced insomnia.

No, you don't want to do that because it won't be as interesting/fun/informative/productive as you think.

No, you shouldn't commit that weekly class because it's going to conflict with something really important six weeks from now.

No, you really, really can't schedule two things at the same time because you forgot to write down one of them.

No, you'll miss that second appointment because GA 400 will be backed up at the tollbooth due to a multi-car rear-ending event.

No, you shouldn't waste your time because the other person you're meeting with will be a no-show.

No, you don't want to volunteer because one of the kids will be sick that morning and you won't find anyone else to substitute at the last minute.

No, you don't want to buy that advance ticket because the weather is going to be really, really bad and you'll sit all night in the airport while waiting for a series of flight crew changes, mechanical "issues," unavailable gates, backed-up security lines, and you'll miss the connecting flight you were rescheduled to use when the nonstop flight filled up by everyone else who dialed faster than you.

There aren't enough electronic, multi-synchronizing, duplicative calendars in the world to take care of my personal scheduling needs. So I'll continue to just muddle through and hope I'm where I'm supposed to be when I'm scheduled to be there.